The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Im part way to drunk.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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