My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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