you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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