I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.