I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...