I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life