I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
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I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
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Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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