there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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