Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
