They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
