I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
