True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
