I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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