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So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
