I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
