I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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