rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
