moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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