We're like a lot better than the average bears
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
