So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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