woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
