Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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