worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
