Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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