R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
