put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Couch. On fire.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
