spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
