what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
