Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
