i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
