the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
