Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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