Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
