Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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