I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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