spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
