I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
