Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
