The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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