god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize