onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
