dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
