Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
