quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
