Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
