We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
