I have demons in me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
