Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
