when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
