i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
