I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
