you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
