She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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