You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
