he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
