it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
