we're blogging at a bar
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
