when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The Olympian is in my bed
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
