Please, let me fuck your mom
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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