Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
