i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
