tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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