I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize