Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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