I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
