he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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